I guess I'm back on this blog again after 2 years. A platform for me to be myself, a way to speak to myself. I've been doing it discreetly on my phone, locking those pieces of words to myself. Forcing myself to leave the note as a reminder of burn marks in the flesh, and making it impossible for myself to re-read without feelin the pain I felt in that moment of writing. I guess what makes this different from that is posting to a platform with permanent records forces me to put in thoughts I have processed and conveyed properly in my mind after digesting it. Instead of words from emotional built up in a moment of crisis. It gives space for thought, knowing that anyone can read it, anyone can stalk it.
So I guess, it makes me hate myself less, makes me hurt myself less, and makes me less afraid of writing.
Because when I do writing in my phone, it makes me afraid to write, knowing that I will re-read the past notes. And I don't want to be afriad of these valid emotions. Even as they burn you. Because pain makes you human, pain makes you alive. Pain is the reason why we're alive.
Without pain, there will be no will to live, because you're not afraid of anything, not afraid of hurting anyone, not afraid of losing yourself, or anyone else.
Let the bloggings begin.
