"Are you happy?"

"Are you happy?"

How much more difficult can a simple question like this be?

I say yes.

Definitely,

I feel happiness.

I have a complete family;

A father who loves me, tries to understand me, takes care of me.

A mother who feeds me, dress me, looks after me, puts up with me.

A sister who is there for me, stays with me, talks to me, snapchats with me.

A grandmother and aunt who spoils me with love, food, and care.

I have friends, best friends;

Who talks to me,

Listens to me, 

Have outings with me,

Puts up with my lame jokes.

I am healthy;

I laugh at lame jokes;

I repeat lame jokes;

I go out.

I don't have serious problems;

Or terrible illness;

I don't have the weight of the world on me either.

But then there comes the time,

Where midnight arrives,

And thoughts arise.

Times where I lie in bed thinking about

The past,

The present,

And the future.

Where uncertancy arrives,

Insecurity surfaces

And thoughts arrises.

Sometimes,

While lying in the darkness of my bedroom,

It is then unnecessary and unhinkable thoughts run wild.

Letting droplets of tears roll down,

Wetting the pillow beneath.

Because sometimes,

You just want to cry your heart our for feeling all the unhappiness.

But it's not that you're unhappy.

It's because unhappiness has started to swallow up your heart.

Out of a sudden,

It feels as if everyone has forgotten your existence,

As if you never had mattered to them.

Ignorance,

Neglection,

That's what you get from time to time.

Then it makes your mind wonder,

Would the world be the same without me?

Maybe it would,

Maybe it wouldn't.

It might not be the same,

Yet it could be different.

It could be better.

Flashbacks occur,
And all the memories you have flashes by your mind,
Remembering the times you spend with everyone around you,
The laughter which you once had had,
And the laughter which echoed in your mind.

Yet now,
The only laughter you hear,
Is a pathetic scoff,
For your pathetic self.

Mind wondering,
To all the bits and pieces of these memories,
To notice the slightest emotions,
The smallest gestures,
The unspoken words.

And there realization hits you like a truck at going full speed.
Everything was linked up,
Dots connected,
Logic rose from its nap.
Everything relates to what you feel.
Right here,
Right now.

Slowly,
Everything falls into place,
Bit by bit,
Inch by inch.

An unsolved puzzle is placed piece by piece,
Forming a large portrait,
Putting a big picture together.

And when all the pieces combine,
That's when you're fully convinced,
That nobody in the world likes you,
That nobody in the world enjoys your existence.

You're just a nuisance,
An annoyance,
An extra.

You'll always be that someone,
Who others never place in mind.
That someone,
Who nobody cares about.
That someone,
Who bothers about others too much to think about herself first.

Because you're so afraid about losing others,
Yet no one is afraid of losing you.
Because they know that you will stay,
Until the end,
Until forever.
Because they know,
They mean the world to you,
But you don't mean the world to them.

They have no fear in losing you,
But you fear of losing them,
And losing yourself along the way.

These thoughts,
They haunt you for the night,
Keeping you up,
Where anxiety,
Depression,
Negativity,
Insecurity
Awakes the devil living in your soul.

These silent whispers hogs your mind,
Eats your soul,
Ruins your thoughts.

You lay down,
Under the moonlight,
Surrounded by darkness,
Questioning yourself,
Questioning everything you have once had

Then it occurs to you,
If you have ever been happy all this while.

Or has that smile,
That laughter,
Been an image of your true self,
Was it just a mask to hide your true feelings?






"Are you happy?"

































"I don't know anymore."