Trees grow old, leaves turn yellow, roads become dusty, minds mature and the lives of people become busier. Obvious factors which show how time flies. Hello 2013, and hello my once again neglected blog. It's time I came back to the world where the cast and roles are decided by me. Being the greatest and most powerful of all in the little imaginary world I live in is my only escape from reality. The harsh, cruel, wicked reality.
Am i sad? I ask myself. Does drowning myself with other matters to laugh about make me escape from the sorrow I feel? How much does it actually take to have the heart to let go and forget. Pain. It lingers within me. But with the essence of time, the pain is no longer there, because the pain is forever numb to my limbs.
Betrayal. Back-stabbed. Hurt.
Why can you complain about your pain and rant to everyone about your feelings and emotions, picturing the others as bad guys when both sides are just as dull and dark as each other. You nodd your head when the teacher talks about forgiving and forgetting but how much do you agree? How much do you understand? Do you even have the heart to forgive and forget. And most importantly, do you even know what you are letting go off?
Do you even know the cause of the tiny problem which evolved and became a huge matter?
Attitudes. Behaviours. Actions. Emotions.
Just like a small snowball rolling down a snow hill. Just like small lies covering bigger lies. Everything adds up, just like simple maths question such as 1+1. But why does everything get so complicated when more and more numbers add up? Lets say person A's intention to go shopping was to buy food. However, A gets blinded bythe other items such as household items, stationaries, clothes, bags, books etc. The amount of money spent grows. But what happens when A is blinded further? For example, a sale. Discounted prices, buy one free one, lucky draw etc. There will be more calculation and thus the equations expands from 1+1 to a larger amount.
How does this even relate, you ask. Simple. Frustration and anger builds up when people are annoyed. The rubber band eventually snaps and war began unconsciously. It was unavoidable and beyond our control. This is when tears, harsh comments, misunderstandings, and broken hearts appear.
Cold shoulder. Emptiness. Ignorance.
The way you treat others versus the way you treat me, even blind ones could tell such difference. Those who remain silence aren't stupid or clueless of the situation, they are actually the smartest. Because they are avoiding more conflicts and problems, so that they do not get pulled into the situation.
They do not need to pick sides.
I watch you from afar. Knowing that you are trying your best to mingle into a group of friends. Before you were a loner, but everyone was willing to approach you, including me, to be honest. But now, when true colours are shown and revealed, I tend to run away from you more and more often now. Are the people around you drifting away? Or were you always alone?
How do you actually expect to mingle into a group of friends which have had a strong friendship bond since primary school? Their body language, way of speech, secrets and attitudes are still unknown to you. Are you being naive? Or are you expecting people to fall for your innocence and beauty? Or are you just thinking too high upon yourself?
Over-thinking. Over-worriedness.
Tell me, how much is too much when it comes to over-thinking. One friend once told me that I think too much. Another told me to not think about others before myself. "HOW" I ask. But no one gave me a solution to my dilemma. Its like being caught in a trap. Lost and all alone. Every step I take, might risk something valuable.
How naive are you to actually believe that beauty and innocence can charm people around you. Maybe it could happen once upon a time. But not now, not ever. Look at us, all grown up with a clear mind set. Everyone has matured up, and even guys who love to look at pretty girls know that beauty doesn't mean everything. Rich people are not everything. If teenagers can see for themselves, how can't wise teachers tell? Well of course, unless if they go by favoritism. Open your eyes, don't make a mess you can't clean up. Don't break friendship which are worth it.
I look at you from afar. Is ignoring the ones you hate the best solution? If you feel happy, then go on. Because it's time for me to give up. It's time for me to let go. I'm tired, and the fire in my heart might never rekindle for you anymore.
May you be well and happy.
Lead a life that you think is worth it.
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First blogpost after a long time mind battle with myself to or to not get back to blogging. See the change of writing my writing style? I'm not gonna report my daily life anymore like the past. Like I said: minds mature. Reporting about my daily basis is totally old school. From this day forth, I write to express while you can read to feel. Till next time.
XOXO
Michelle out!
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